super market punk rock television comedy
Journal Entry: Fri Jul 9, 2004, 6:11 AM
this morning was supposed to be a good morning, it was, then wasn't I showed my mither a shirt I had made and she started going off about how Im aligning with people who have problems and such, not realizing I have my own, and now I wish she'd just say it, that she just wants to go die in a ditch, because that would be alot easier for her than havign to 'deal' with me, when she's not supposed to fucking know anyway. worst thing is I have no one to talk to, no one reads this anymore let alone comments. unless it's something stupid or funny. so I give up. I have to gon haitus anyway since Im going to camp. I wonder if it's even worth it. there is too much slef loathing to care. I have this huge urge to prove her wrong and do well in school, adn then I think oh wait I already am doing well. She's rigth about some things, Im negative. yes we all know this. who does she fucking think raised me. the queen of negativity herself. she has to go downstairs yelling it at my dad and brother, so I rip up the shirt yell at her Im throwing it out she yells I dont care, which is bullshit because she has this 'uncle vernon complex' is what I like to call it. she's like uncle vernon from harry potter. so then I slam my door and she leaves slamming the front door and now Im here to hide in my darkness, all day. I was supposed to gather my laundry and set up jon's computer but I dont think I'm even gettign out of bed. I just want to lay there and die. really. and I can. I can so easily die. and then she goes on saying how she's going to miss me at camp. I wonder if she's just going to miss having someone to upset her, or to bitch at or something. she'll have two weeks of bliss without me, then another two weeks of saddnes because her son is leaving. she hates everything Im into, every little thing unless it's perfect and happy. she loved when I loved goo goo dolls, she doesn't know they were the first band I cut to. no she does not. what she would say if she knew that. I am a schotzophrenic, psycho, depressed, negative, violent and fucked up person. she was NICE for the first time, this morning she was actually nice to me and then I had to go and fuck it up by showing her the shrit. see, it's my fault. I should never show her anything again, right? because this way she can just be ignoratnly blissfull. I need to make a hiatus banner.
